[ Technically twice now? His arms loosen from around Joonghyuk, hands raising to once again cup that face and bring them close. At least enough to settle their foreheads together. He looks to that scar again.
He tries to not frown when he feels his heart squeeze. It really wasn't like this with Baraqiel. gay thoughts ]
[ Huh...... He has never seen Dokja like this? With anyone? He has seen the man drink with Yoo Sangah and have pleasantries. It was enough for him to assume they might have been involved with each other, but nothing so flirtatious and risky like this?
It kind of pisses him off, so he gives him a headbutt. ]
[ He's not being flirtatious?! He's trying something here! He winces hard at the headbutt, eyes a little teary at the sting with his wings puffing out. ]
[ Isn't that what makes this insufferable man Kim Dokja? He opens his mouth, closes it, opens it again and- really, it's like a fish trying to remember to breathe. But he keeps his gaze focused on him till.
Quietly, ] That... I want to kiss you.
[ Again. At least this time he isn't just doing it, despite how the strong the urges for touch are today. It's a little overwhelming. He's as puzzled by this feeling as he has been for the past few days. Feeling as if suddenly he'll come to understand. Though he isn't completely sure of that just yet.
I already kissed Baraqiel. [ Brows furrow, lips pressing together as if he just remembered something. ] ..It wasn't--
[ The same. Slowly looks to the side... his wings tucking against his back. Has it been five minutes yet? If so, goodbye wings and horns. Poof they're gone. ]
[ This isn't going anywhere!! His hands are loosening against that face, dropping back onto his own lap. With his wings gone he's more aware of the cold and shivers. ]
I thought I needed physical contact to receive my ability. [ ... ] My body just reacted. I wasn't thinking.
[ Huff. ] Least they were a better kisser than the last. [ He can bully too. ]
[ Joonghyuk is practically glaring at him, trying to figure out if what Dokja says is the truth. He doesn't think he's lying... The man he knew was never intimate with anyone. Despite how much he showed others he cared is guiding them, in making sure they grow and prosper, he seldom lets people get close. He forces them away despite sacrificing himself for them.
Joonghyuk has always known there is a metaphorical barrier between people. It is what makes them individuals rather than a conglomerate conscience. Kim Dokja may have the thickest wall separating himself from everyone else. How are they supposed to reach him? How do they convey all they want to tell him?
If they wrote on that wall, will he be able to read their messages? Will he even try to understand?
...
Kim Dokja doesn't want people to see... He only knows how to love and never receive.
[ Any amusement glinting in dark eyes seems to fade, smile dips a little and he seems caught off guard by the statement. It's not a question, but a sounding statement from him. It feels.. no, it stirs something he's tried to bury back.. His heart races, throat a little dry as he swallows suddenly.
It feels as if suddenly everything he has is put on display. As though he's an open book to read, despite being so careful. But.. hasn't he been sharing a bit more and more lately? As of the past few weeks? Letting some people in, memories sharing without intending but giving him time to think back and reflect on those moments. ..He has said it once before. When you read a story again, you're able to see it at a different perspective.
As much as he loathed some memories being trudged back up, he was able to do just that. Lips press together, a shakey gaze watching his companion. Trying to figure out his intentions- "You must like that story." He grew up reading and cheered, stuck by, followed along, hated and yet loved.
When he laughs, it's a bit self-deprecating. ] What if I do- did? It doesn't matter.
[ It wouldn't mean anything. Even if he did like him, he.. no, someone like Kim Dokja? (Did he even know what it meant to like someone?) He.. did not deserve it. He doesn't after everything. It's so easy to shut down, to strengthen that wall.
He's pulling away. All that courage from earlier is disappearing fast. ]
[ He knows that look and he can read his body language. This is an uncommon side, but he has seen it once or maybe twice. Just a small window of him between walls of composure and bravado. It's to be expected. Joonghyuk is old enough to understand what it's like to catch something in your throat, to have your heart race so fast it feels like you're going to die—because once upon a time, he allowed himself to love another. This isn't that and he's a lot older than he was then. This doesn't have him nervous at all.
... Whatever Dokja's answer is, he would accept it. In the end, he only cares to be by his side. Quietly in his mind, he berates himself. To covet something from another wordline... Something that isn't yours. To envy someone else's situation, just for that moment, where another Yoo Joonghyuk can speak to a Kim Dokja who's whole. This may not be his Kim Dokja, the one trapped behind the Final Wall and waiting for him, but he's still Kim Dokja and his desire to stay by his companion is too strong.
But Yoo Joonghyuk knows his place. It's why he doesn't reach out to grab onto his wrist. His hands stay on his lap, fingers woven together to keep his hands occupied. Niah beside him whines, but whimpers quiet eventually. The choice is Dokja's and Dokja's alone because if Joonghyuk can do anything here, maybe he can make the other man happy for a bit. Maybe they can be happy for a bit.
Still, it's important to define relationships and boundaries. Joonghyuk doesn't want to accept frivolous kisses from anyone, not even from someone he loves. ]
[ That gaze wanders, meeting Niah as he catches sound of those whines and whimpers and it tugs at him. Especially when Jin is so quick to try and comfort the other daemon. She nuzzles against his cheek, emitting soft noises.
Dokja looks away but catches the sight of a few black feathers that gathered from where he had shook loose his wings earlier. He stops to think, pushes earlier thoughts back, covering them to think about another time. In a moment that isn't now. He moves over to gather them up, moving over back to Joonghyuk.
Carefully, he takes a hand, just to loosen a bit so he can press a stack of large shiny black feathers into his hand. ]
Take these for me. We might be able to make use of them later.
[ For what? He's not sure just yet. But better to keep some in his companion's inventory while he keeps just a few himself. With that done, he steps back, Jin carefully untangling herself from Niah despite clear reluctance. ] I'm gonna get going.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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It's something I've already done.
[ Technically twice now? His arms loosen from around Joonghyuk, hands raising to once again cup that face and bring them close. At least enough to settle their foreheads together. He looks to that scar again.
He tries to not frown when he feels his heart squeeze. It really wasn't like this with Baraqiel.
gay thoughts]Do you still think I'll run?
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It kind of pisses him off, so he gives him a headbutt. ]
I said to think about this seriously, Kim Dokja!
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I am thinking about it seriously!
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[ He feels like he knows Kim Dokja enough and yet the man always seems to surprise him in the worst ways. THE WORST WAYS. ]
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Quietly, ] That... I want to kiss you.
[ Again. At least this time he isn't just doing it, despite how the strong the urges for touch are today. It's a little overwhelming. He's as puzzled by this feeling as he has been for the past few days. Feeling as if suddenly he'll come to understand. Though he isn't completely sure of that just yet.
This week has been a mess. ]
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[ I am going out for birthday dinner so I can’t give the big meta, but Joonghyuk really is bullying and testing him. ]
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I already kissed Baraqiel. [ Brows furrow, lips pressing together as if he just remembered something. ] ..It wasn't--
[ The same. Slowly looks to the side... his wings tucking against his back. Has it been five minutes yet? If so, goodbye wings and horns. Poof they're gone. ]
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You kissed Baraqiel.
[ He’s digesting this. It’s kind of funny? He thinks it’s kind of funny??? But also what is happening?
You know what, he pities Baraqiel. ]
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I thought I needed physical contact to receive my ability. [ ... ] My body just reacted. I wasn't thinking.
[ Huff. ] Least they were a better kisser than the last. [ He can bully too. ]
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At least Dokja seems amused, raising a brow at his silence. Except with a shiver. It's cold. ]
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This isn't something to play around with, either.
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[ At least about this? Looks at him, his gaze flickers down briefly as he leans back against him again. ]
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Joonghyuk has always known there is a metaphorical barrier between people. It is what makes them individuals rather than a conglomerate conscience. Kim Dokja may have the thickest wall separating himself from everyone else. How are they supposed to reach him? How do they convey all they want to tell him?
If they wrote on that wall, will he be able to read their messages? Will he even try to understand?
...
Kim Dokja doesn't want people to see... He only knows how to love and never receive.
Kim Dokja hides his story. ]
Then you like me.
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[ Any amusement glinting in dark eyes seems to fade, smile dips a little and he seems caught off guard by the statement. It's not a question, but a sounding statement from him. It feels.. no, it stirs something he's tried to bury back.. His heart races, throat a little dry as he swallows suddenly.
It feels as if suddenly everything he has is put on display. As though he's an open book to read, despite being so careful. But.. hasn't he been sharing a bit more and more lately? As of the past few weeks? Letting some people in, memories sharing without intending but giving him time to think back and reflect on those moments. ..He has said it once before. When you read a story again, you're able to see it at a different perspective.
As much as he loathed some memories being trudged back up, he was able to do just that. Lips press together, a shakey gaze watching his companion. Trying to figure out his intentions- "You must like that story." He grew up reading and cheered, stuck by, followed along, hated and yet loved.
When he laughs, it's a bit self-deprecating. ] What if I do- did? It doesn't matter.
[ It wouldn't mean anything. Even if he did like him, he.. no, someone like Kim Dokja? (Did he even know what it meant to like someone?) He.. did not deserve it. He doesn't after everything. It's so easy to shut down, to strengthen that wall.
He's pulling away. All that courage from earlier is disappearing fast. ]
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[ He knows that look and he can read his body language. This is an uncommon side, but he has seen it once or maybe twice. Just a small window of him between walls of composure and bravado. It's to be expected. Joonghyuk is old enough to understand what it's like to catch something in your throat, to have your heart race so fast it feels like you're going to die—because once upon a time, he allowed himself to love another. This isn't that and he's a lot older than he was then. This doesn't have him nervous at all.
... Whatever Dokja's answer is, he would accept it. In the end, he only cares to be by his side. Quietly in his mind, he berates himself. To covet something from another wordline... Something that isn't yours. To envy someone else's situation, just for that moment, where another Yoo Joonghyuk can speak to a Kim Dokja who's whole. This may not be his Kim Dokja, the one trapped behind the Final Wall and waiting for him, but he's still Kim Dokja and his desire to stay by his companion is too strong.
But Yoo Joonghyuk knows his place. It's why he doesn't reach out to grab onto his wrist. His hands stay on his lap, fingers woven together to keep his hands occupied. Niah beside him whines, but whimpers quiet eventually. The choice is Dokja's and Dokja's alone because if Joonghyuk can do anything here, maybe he can make the other man happy for a bit. Maybe they can be happy for a bit.
Still, it's important to define relationships and boundaries. Joonghyuk doesn't want to accept frivolous kisses from anyone, not even from someone he loves. ]
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Dokja looks away but catches the sight of a few black feathers that gathered from where he had shook loose his wings earlier. He stops to think, pushes earlier thoughts back, covering them to think about another time. In a moment that isn't now. He moves over to gather them up, moving over back to Joonghyuk.
Carefully, he takes a hand, just to loosen a bit so he can press a stack of large shiny black feathers into his hand. ]
Take these for me. We might be able to make use of them later.
[ For what? He's not sure just yet. But better to keep some in his companion's inventory while he keeps just a few himself. With that done, he steps back, Jin carefully untangling herself from Niah despite clear reluctance. ] I'm gonna get going.