[ This is more than potato was able to do before? Niah sees this and looks at her, but allows her to stay, he guesses. Anyway, the book in his hand is I’m Waiting for You by Kim Bo-young, however he hasn't gone that many pages ahead.
He does look up to Dokja, which is more than he would have done in this state a couple of days ago. ]
[ But then again, does he know what he would otherwise. What kind of stories does Kim Dokja think that Yoo Joonghyuk would be interested in?
He eventually glances up to meet that gaze, not as tired as he's looked on friday but.. still a bit exhausted looking. Sometimes you avoid sleeping, again. I also forgot to list an appearance modification from this week's effect uhh let's just say he periodically fizzles out like static. ]
[ Niah will bite Jin's tail as they read, but at the end of one of the stories, Joonghyuk actually speaks. ]
... Am I still who I am if I couldn't save you?
[ Multiple times. He couldn't help him multiple times. Isn't saving Dokja his purpose? Why he was created...? If he can't do that, then what is his ■■? If knowing the future that Dokja exists is supposed to comfort him, he does... For a bit. It does until envy festers for the Joonghyuk that exists there.
That's him, and yet not. This Dokja is his, and yet not. ]
[ Not her tail... she nips at Niah, but it is light, playful. ]
... You'll always be Yoo Joonghyuk. Nothing will change that. You'll still stubbornly run your head into every situation you come across.
[ Carefully, he takes the book in his hands, lowering his gaze as a finger taps at the words written upon it. Nothing specific but more in a gesture of the story they have in their hands. ]
Technically, you have saved me once before. I'd say when it mattered most.
[ After all, it is Yoo Joonghyuk's story that gave Dokja a reason to continue living. If not for that, where would Kim Dokja be? Certainly, it was written by another but it is still Yoo Joonghyuk's story. ]
[ Which, Dokja must have known, that Friday morning had led to extra shock into him when he was already debating over his own identity and the validity of his actions. He received full explanation which would be supplemented by others in trial, but it already put him into a state where it was difficult to pull himself out.
As he mulls over those emotions and what he saw on his trip, the characters making up his figure start to sink... Into a dark sea. That sea rises, making him pitch black.
The end result, even when Joonghyuk's original goal when he regressed was to meet the same person that guided him to a happy ending. Without the book in his hands, his fingers curl, slowly clenching into fists. ]
Again. Split across the universe out of our reach.
[ If Dokja thought they resolved it when they talked about it a bit, no. Joonghyuk buried it. It stayed in the back of his mind. With every interaction, he had thought about how this is a future he doesn't know. One he might not know.
It's an ending he wishes to reach, but doesn't know if he will. That regression—it was his last chance. ]
Did anything I do matter...? Still, I don't know my ■■.
[ Unfortunately Dokja does not control in which he is somehow buried Alive. still, he knows that Joonghyuk's state worsen after said events. he'll set aside the book for now so he can bring a hand over Joonghyuk's own.
just to rub at, smooth out from their clench. he hums as he does, as if mulling over the man's words. ]
I was.
[ there's no denying what had happened, what is happening for him back home. what Dokja had done. what he was prepared to do to ensure their world kept continuing on. but his ■■... that is not really an answer he can give to Joonghyuk. ]
It mattered. It has, and it will.
[ it would be easy to just tell him how this story ends. except, it doesn't really end, it continues. will continue on. Dokja is good proof of that. of course, he still doesn't want to spoil. Jin whines softly. ]
[ His hands still stay as fist while Niah softly whines some. If anything, they tense more when he feels those hands rub over his own. Eventually, the characters he's made up start trembling, showing cracks of paper white underneath. They don't crumble, instead white characters would form the shape of his eyes, then take shape of tears that do not exist.
The weight of all of his actions settle on his shoulders, heavy and threatening to crush him... The guilt he has stifled for eons comes in full bloom. The trip, despite leaving him in rather decent shape, really screwed with his mind. ]
This haze is not unpleasant.
[ He doesn't like debating who he is, whether he exists, or if anything here is real, but if he didn't overthink it? It's pleasant. He wonders if it could be consider death, if he let things be. He can rest. But now he's suffering with the knowledge that again maybe he can change things. ]
If this is a dream and I never wake up... The you from the ending I wish for is here.
[ If his sister wasn't here, if she was safe at home with their companions, then this is a sweet dream. ]
[ Either you feel too much or not at all, in a state like that. Even so, once he sets the book aside does his hand reach up to take hold of the man's face. Not at all bothered by the image and appearance that courses through his companion. Thumbs smooth over cheeks as he pulls the man towards him, their foreheads gently bumping together. ]
You'll have to wake up eventually. [ it may feel like a pleasant dream, but this is not where he is meant to stay in the long run. ]
When you go back, with Yoo Mia, you'll get there.. to that ending.
But to do that, you need to wake up from this. You need to shake it off. You won't be able to help her like this, you know. [ a light tap to the other man's cheek.
don't worry, he's not slapping or ratshaking him awake. for now. ]
[ Joonghyuk lets that happen and with every slight brush, the ink starts falling off... The dark sea falls, revealing Joonghyuk as he normally is, without any of the effects. Maybe he's without color, simply monochrome is the effect. His gaze stays lowered, staring at the space between them even when their foreheads press.
He has to wake up eventually...
If this is real, Mia would be in trouble—he can't keep failing her. He has failed her too many times.
That ending, with everyone he loves. Happiness. All of these regressions, these years of suffering and pain, was to meet the man before him and to make sure they can all be happy. It's selfish, no matter how anyone looks at it, especially when Joonghyuk has had a happy ending once before... During that time before all this suffering began.
He has to wake up and he feels his own soul resonate with Dokja's words. In the end, he has always been idealistic. Optimistic. ]
[ It isn't a bad future to get to, where Dokja currently finds himself. It's certainly the ideal ending Yoo Joonghyuk and the rest of the company have yearned for. Admittedly, Dokja as well. Who wouldn't want a happy ending for themselves?
It just cost... a lot of sacrifice on his part, in more ways than one. In ways that he was sure was the end for himself if not for the sheer determination of his company. Hands continue to hold his companion here, brushing at a cheek or jawline. His own gaze steady on the other's more lowered one. He can't help but laugh a little at the response he gets back. ]
It feels that way.
[ gently, gently pinches his cheeks as Joonghyuk did him the other day. ]
[ "Who wouldn't want a happy ending for themselves?" "Kim Dokja."
If only Joonghyuk can know Dokja's feelings because he can't help thought... Despite all of the reassurance he gave Dokja to look for his own happiness, that they will not stop until they bring him back—he isn't sure if Dokja understands. He doesn't know what Dokja will do. He had thought he put those anxieties to rest.
These are the struggles of being individual people, isn't it? Everyday struggles.
Even with the pinching, he closes his eyes with a furrowed brow, obviously not liking the pinching. ]
[ it's true. he wouldn't want a happy ending for himself at the cost of his loved ones not having it. everything leading up to where he is, any sooner and they would have been at that risk. "but kdj would be there so it would still be a happy ending" no no no. their happy ending first.
he will continue lightly pinching. pinch pinch. you must stop him yourself, yoo joonghyuk. your expression is not enough to steer him away.
but, he will press a featherlight kiss to a closed lid. a small, timid almost, affection. providing a mixture of annoyance and comfort. granted, he wouldn't be surprised the yoo joonghyuk in his current time likely still has these anxieties. these thoughts. however, murder game waits for no one. no sad gay drama. ]
For now, you need to be here. [ wake up mola mola ]
[ Murdergames are awful, but he can find the silver lining that at least he can see Dokja again, instead of seeing his almost lifeless form at home. The pinching continues and his patience wanes exponentially, but he accepts the kiss. Some thoughts are drawn out... These small pieces of comfort and affection are not meant for him. It's for another him, but that's still him, isn't it? He's Yoo Joonghyuk. That is who he is.
The trips he went through—they didn't tire him at much as this one did. It felt like... Days after, he was a shell. He was trapped outside or inside his body and watched as these actions were made by this figure called Yoo Joonghyuk. They were days of confusion.
He's weary, so he doesn't retaliate immediately. Instead, he fires a warning. ]
I'm still mad at you.
[ The Dokja that waits for him at home, the one in front of him. Different, the same, he's angry with them. ]
[ A small laugh bubbles out of him at that. A twinkle of amusement in dark gray eyes, raising arms to wound around Joonghyuk's neck to hug him now. Not hesitating to nuzzle into the side of his head with a lighthearted hum. ]
I know, I know. You can stay mad at me it's fine.
[ Normally whatever happens, doesn't really affect them for days like this so he.. started just to get a bit worried about him. In a state like that just about anyone could take advantage of him and that is not a good thing.
For Kim Dokja, sure. For everyone else, no. But this is fine. This is good. Even he's started to shake off that buried alive stupor. The donwside to not having the Fourth Wall to lessen the intensity and degree of things. He really was shaken by that event. Jin emits a happy whine after a moment, perking up when she spies some familiarity. ]
[ The effects return and Joonghyuk spawns those familiar wolf ears and tail. The ears are pinned against his head. Gently, he grans one of those thin arms that wrapped around him, simply to hold in this way. Again, he's still mad, but he can calm down for a bit.
The haze has lifted a good amount and he has been placated, so... ]
How are you feeling?
[ He of course remembers Dokja telling him about being buried alive. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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He does look up to Dokja, which is more than he would have done in this state a couple of days ago. ]
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[ But then again, does he know what he would otherwise. What kind of stories does Kim Dokja think that Yoo Joonghyuk would be interested in?
He eventually glances up to meet that gaze, not as tired as he's looked on friday but.. still a bit exhausted looking. Sometimes you avoid sleeping, again. I also forgot to list an appearance modification from this week's effect uhh let's just say he periodically fizzles out like static. ]
Do you want to read together?
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They should read together. Who is stopping them? ]
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I don't know this story. Dokja does not know this story. But, he'll read along, Jin emitting a few huffs now and then as she watches them. ]
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... Am I still who I am if I couldn't save you?
[ Multiple times. He couldn't help him multiple times. Isn't saving Dokja his purpose? Why he was created...? If he can't do that, then what is his ■■? If knowing the future that Dokja exists is supposed to comfort him, he does... For a bit. It does until envy festers for the Joonghyuk that exists there.
That's him, and yet not. This Dokja is his, and yet not. ]
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... You'll always be Yoo Joonghyuk. Nothing will change that. You'll still stubbornly run your head into every situation you come across.
[ Carefully, he takes the book in his hands, lowering his gaze as a finger taps at the words written upon it. Nothing specific but more in a gesture of the story they have in their hands. ]
Technically, you have saved me once before. I'd say when it mattered most.
[ After all, it is Yoo Joonghyuk's story that gave Dokja a reason to continue living. If not for that, where would Kim Dokja be? Certainly, it was written by another but it is still Yoo Joonghyuk's story. ]
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[ Which, Dokja must have known, that Friday morning had led to extra shock into him when he was already debating over his own identity and the validity of his actions. He received full explanation which would be supplemented by others in trial, but it already put him into a state where it was difficult to pull himself out.
As he mulls over those emotions and what he saw on his trip, the characters making up his figure start to sink... Into a dark sea. That sea rises, making him pitch black.
The end result, even when Joonghyuk's original goal when he regressed was to meet the same person that guided him to a happy ending. Without the book in his hands, his fingers curl, slowly clenching into fists. ]
Again. Split across the universe out of our reach.
[ If Dokja thought they resolved it when they talked about it a bit, no. Joonghyuk buried it. It stayed in the back of his mind. With every interaction, he had thought about how this is a future he doesn't know. One he might not know.
It's an ending he wishes to reach, but doesn't know if he will. That regression—it was his last chance. ]
Did anything I do matter...? Still, I don't know my ■■.
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just to rub at, smooth out from their clench. he hums as he does, as if mulling over the man's words. ]
I was.
[ there's no denying what had happened, what is happening for him back home. what Dokja had done. what he was prepared to do to ensure their world kept continuing on. but his ■■... that is not really an answer he can give to Joonghyuk. ]
It mattered. It has, and it will.
[ it would be easy to just tell him how this story ends. except, it doesn't really end, it continues. will continue on. Dokja is good proof of that. of course, he still doesn't want to spoil. Jin whines softly. ]
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The weight of all of his actions settle on his shoulders, heavy and threatening to crush him... The guilt he has stifled for eons comes in full bloom. The trip, despite leaving him in rather decent shape, really screwed with his mind. ]
This haze is not unpleasant.
[ He doesn't like debating who he is, whether he exists, or if anything here is real, but if he didn't overthink it? It's pleasant. He wonders if it could be consider death, if he let things be. He can rest. But now he's suffering with the knowledge that again maybe he can change things. ]
If this is a dream and I never wake up... The you from the ending I wish for is here.
[ If his sister wasn't here, if she was safe at home with their companions, then this is a sweet dream. ]
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You'll have to wake up eventually. [ it may feel like a pleasant dream, but this is not where he is meant to stay in the long run. ]
When you go back, with Yoo Mia, you'll get there.. to that ending.
But to do that, you need to wake up from this. You need to shake it off. You won't be able to help her like this, you know. [ a light tap to the other man's cheek.
don't worry, he's not slapping or ratshaking him awake. for now. ]
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He has to wake up eventually...
If this is real, Mia would be in trouble—he can't keep failing her. He has failed her too many times.
That ending, with everyone he loves. Happiness. All of these regressions, these years of suffering and pain, was to meet the man before him and to make sure they can all be happy. It's selfish, no matter how anyone looks at it, especially when Joonghyuk has had a happy ending once before... During that time before all this suffering began.
He has to wake up and he feels his own soul resonate with Dokja's words. In the end, he has always been idealistic. Optimistic. ]
Hope is a curse.
[ Hope again is stringing him along. ]
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It just cost... a lot of sacrifice on his part, in more ways than one. In ways that he was sure was the end for himself if not for the sheer determination of his company. Hands continue to hold his companion here, brushing at a cheek or jawline. His own gaze steady on the other's more lowered one. He can't help but laugh a little at the response he gets back. ]
It feels that way.
[ gently, gently pinches his cheeks as Joonghyuk did him the other day. ]
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If only Joonghyuk can know Dokja's feelings because he can't help thought... Despite all of the reassurance he gave Dokja to look for his own happiness, that they will not stop until they bring him back—he isn't sure if Dokja understands. He doesn't know what Dokja will do. He had thought he put those anxieties to rest.
These are the struggles of being individual people, isn't it? Everyday struggles.
Even with the pinching, he closes his eyes with a furrowed brow, obviously not liking the pinching. ]
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he will continue lightly pinching. pinch pinch. you must stop him yourself, yoo joonghyuk. your expression is not enough to steer him away.
but, he will press a featherlight kiss to a closed lid. a small, timid almost, affection. providing a mixture of annoyance and comfort. granted, he wouldn't be surprised the yoo joonghyuk in his current time likely still has these anxieties. these thoughts. however, murder game waits for no one. no sad gay drama. ]
For now, you need to be here. [ wake up mola mola ]
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The trips he went through—they didn't tire him at much as this one did. It felt like... Days after, he was a shell. He was trapped outside or inside his body and watched as these actions were made by this figure called Yoo Joonghyuk. They were days of confusion.
He's weary, so he doesn't retaliate immediately. Instead, he fires a warning. ]
I'm still mad at you.
[ The Dokja that waits for him at home, the one in front of him. Different, the same, he's angry with them. ]
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I know, I know. You can stay mad at me it's fine.
[ Normally whatever happens, doesn't really affect them for days like this so he.. started just to get a bit worried about him. In a state like that just about anyone could take advantage of him and that is not a good thing.
For Kim Dokja, sure. For everyone else, no. But this is fine. This is good. Even he's started to shake off that buried alive stupor. The donwside to not having the Fourth Wall to lessen the intensity and degree of things. He really was shaken by that event. Jin emits a happy whine after a moment, perking up when she spies some familiarity. ]
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The haze has lifted a good amount and he has been placated, so... ]
How are you feeling?
[ He of course remembers Dokja telling him about being buried alive. ]
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About as well as anyone.
[ Leave it to Dokja to try and downplay being buried alive. ]
More of a scare than anything so I'll be fine. Are you feeling any better?
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I’m fine. [ … ] You better be eating properly.
Even if you’re nauseous, you have to eat.
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Why would I eat if I'm nauseous? I might throw it back up.
[ A waste of food. But clearly, he isn't eating properly if he's saying that. ]
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… Even something small, Kim Dokja.
[ He’s too tired to be overly pissed. This man never cared about his health? Why did he even ask? ]
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[ he's Fine. he doesn't look sickly, a bit tired but he's fine. ]
Interested in going back to reading?
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You read too fast.
[ Huff. ]
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[ that way he can control the Read. tweaks his lil wolf ear. ]
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